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Price of Persia

6 Jun

Jordan’s Review of Price of Persia

Prince of Persia is the best video game of all time.

I feel completely secure in saying that.  Mostly because saying that it’s
the greatest video game of all time is like saying that Billings is the
biggest city in Montana.  Yeah, it’s #1 on the list, but it still only has
a population of 103,000.

But, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think that it being a video game
movie is the defining aspect of Prince of Persia.  It’s a Bruckheimer
Summer Action Flick, (BSAF).  Like Pirates of the Carribean, National
Treasure and the upcoming Sorcerers Apprentice.  It follows that formula.
To a bleeding fault.

The way the film was put together feels like you’re reading the
instructions on how to put together a barbeque.  Step 1, step 1a, 1b, etc.

Like every other BSAF, it just goes down the list:
-Progressive hero who does not share the ideals of his contemporaries.
-Half-assed attempts to make you care about secondary characters before
you kill them off.
-Use the word Destiny 47 times.  Per minute.  Seriously, I was waiting for
Inigo Montoya to step into the last scene to say “You keep using that
word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.”
-Downplay the human element and any character depth in favor of pithy
political subtext that will lose relevance before the DVD is released.
-Massive Deus Ex Machina.

It goes on.

But as the film progressed and the acting got worse, I noticed something.

No, Prince of Persia does not hit a home run.

But it’s not swinging for the fences.  It tries for a base hit, and gets a
base hit.

It knows exactly what it is, right down to the horrid acting.

Brief note about that: watching Jake Gyllenhaal act is like watching a
3-year-old try to play basketball.  It’s entertaining because of how hard
he tries and how miserably he fails.

But ultimately, with how self-conscious the movie seems to be, it’s hard
to genuinely criticize.  It aims to entertain, and succeeds.

Kinda.

Every time the male and female lead had their “banter”, I wanted to shoot
myself as a distraction.

But for better or for worse, I give Prince of Persia a 50 out of 100, and
recommend at least watching it once.  And only once.