Summer Movie Season

17 May

Thor:

This is an excellent movie.  I know some people were calling it the best comic book movie since The Dark Knight, which I thought initially was an overstatement of its quality, until I realized that we haven’t gotten many decent comic book movies since The Dark Knight.  The Green Hornet maybe? Ugh.  I digress.

Probably the one thing that Thor really does well is the characters.  Having someone who is as well versed in classical storytelling as Kenneth Brannagh direct really made this movie work.  The characters are all rich and 3-dimensional and compelling.  The visual styling of the film perfectly fits the story and the production design is brilliant.  The only negative thing I could say about the movie is that Natalie Portman seemed a bit wasted.  She kind of mailed in her performance, which might be a result of her doing too many movies at once.  (Seriously, she had four wide release films come out in the span of 5 months, that’s insane).

But on the whole, I loved this movie.

80 out of 100

Priest:

If you’re looking for a movie to turn into a drinking game, look no further.  The buddy I watched this movie with smuggled in a flask and he took a shot for every stupid use of religion, every gimmicky stupid use of 3D, and periodically just to deal with the boredom.

You would think that Paul Bettany killing vampires would make for an awesome movie, but it really didn’t in this case.  It’s mostly because of the script.  The dialogue is weak, the characters aren’t developed, there are some glaringly huge gaps in logic and the supporting cast is either a) expendable or b) so bland that I kept forgetting that they were in the movie.

The ultimate bummer is that Priest wasn’t even bad enough to really enjoy how bad it was.  The film was just boring.  That, and having to watch it in 3D sucked, because much of the movie takes place at night, so watching the movie with sunglasses resulted in a very murky image.

But the WORST thing that the movie does happens very early on.  A side character’s home is about to be attacked, so he grabs a four-barreled gatling-gun style pump action shotgun with about 20 shotgun shells attached to the side.  It was probably the most bad ass looking gun I’ve ever seen in a movie.  And it gets less than 5 seconds of screen time.  He racks the shotgun once and the camera cuts away.  WHAT. THE. F*&%?

39 out of 100

Fast Five:

Confession: This is actually the first Fast/Furious movie that I’ve seen.  I never really bothered with the rest of them, and then a friend insisted that I watch this one with him.  So what did this film snob think of it?

The acting is laughably bad, the dialogue atrocious and I stopped counting the plot holes at five.

But you know what?  I didn’t care.  As crappy as the basic elements of storytelling were, the movie is fun to watch.  The action scenes are brilliantly staged, the fights are really well done, and the humor works.

Perhaps the entire film can be summed up in one moment.  The Actor Formerly Known As The Rock, Dwayne Johnson eventually has a fight scene with Vin Diesel.  It features Johnson doing a jump-punch.  As in, he jumps at Vin and punches him in the face while in mid air.  Now, such a strike in an actual fight would be dumb.  When you’re in the air, you don’t have a solid base to swing from, so it’s nearly impossible to get any force into the punch.  So why would he punch him that way?  Because it looks SO FREAKING COOL!

Check Fast Five out if you enjoy property damage and fun stupidity.

71 out of 100

For Attebiz Movie Reviews, I’m the J-Man.

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