Top Seven Movies To Not Watch Alone

14 Dec

Movies are like a great dinner, they’re best enjoyed with other people. Most movies are fine to watch alone if you’re feeling antisocial or just don’t have friends, but some movies you absolutely DO NOT want to watch by yourself. These are the top seven.

Spoiler alert on all of these, incidentally. It’s hard to say why they shouldn’t be watched alone unless I spoil them a bit.

#7 – Up In the Air

George Clooney stars as a man whose job is to go around firing people. He has effectively separated himself from the entire world by living a life that cannot support any type of interpersonal commitment. There’s social commentary involved, but the movie follows his exploration of his own life.

Eventually, he decides that he wants to have somebody in his life. But things don’t work out. The movie ends with him alone, stuck in that secluded bubble that he fashioned for himself.

I watched this movie by myself in the theater after recently going through a break up, and was depressed as hell when I left.

#6 – Children of Men

Speaking of depressing movies, if Children of Men doesn’t make you lose the will to live, I don’t know what will. This is a tough movie to watch, emotional and disturbing. Seeing a world with no future spiral out of control feels uncomfortably familiar.

The cinematography of this movie draws you in and puts you in the events. There are several long takes that make it so you feel less like you’re watching a movie and more like you are standing next to the main characters as more mayhem than you could possibly deal with goes down.

The ending of this movie is meant to leave you hopeful, but it’s too ambiguous to provide a true catharsis.

#5 – Psycho

This movie scared the crap out of me on a subconscious level. To the less culturally enlightened of our viewers, this movie’s most iconic scene involves a woman getting stabbed to death in the shower.

To this day, I cannot take a shower without closing the door and locking it. This movie scared me that much. I think if I had watched it with somebody, it might have freaked me out a little bit less.

#4 – For That Matter, Just About Any Scary Movie

#3 – Anchorman

This movie shouldn’t be watched alone for an entirely different reason. This movie is enjoyed best when you share it with somebody. Not that it’s unfunny to watch alone, but it really is better with somebody sitting next to you.

#2 – Troll 2

This is the worst movie ever made. It’s even worse than the stuff that Ed Wood came up with back in the 50s. Troll 2 had more goofs and bad acting and huge plot holes and horrific writing than I think I’ve ever seen in a movie. And I LOVED IT. It is really a movie so bad that you have to share it with people.

And the #1 movie to not watch alone is…..

Every Single Romantic Comedy Ever Made

Newsflash: life doesn’t always have a happy ending. And at no time is this more evident than after watching a RomCom by yourself.

For Attebiz Movie Reviews, I’m the J-Man.

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