The Expendables

If you told me five years ago that we would be blessed in our time to
witness a movie featuring Stallone, Statham, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Bruce
Willis, The Govenator, Randy Coultoure, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren,
Terry Crews, I would have said that you were high off your ass.  But that
moment is here. Expendables is in theaters.

And how good is it, you ask me?

It’s the ultimate action film.

In every. Single. Way.

The dialogue is weak, even though it is a lot of fun (plenty of cheesy
one-liners directly after killing somebody).

I don’t think anybody present was in any way acting.  All of the main
characters have a certain persona that they carry into most of their
films.  Jason Statham is a good man who will kick the crap out of anybody
who beats women.  Mickey Rourke is a philosophical tattoo artist who waxes
eloquent about the soul in half of his scenes.  Sylvester Stallone still
can’t talk coherently.  Etc.

The plot is about as cookie-cutter as they come.

But so help me God, I loved this movie.  Everything that could be
considered a weakness about The Expendables I saw coming a mile away, and
I’m sure any action movie buff will concur.

We’re not sitting there to watch nuanced performances, a plot that keeps
you guessing and an Oscar-worthy screenplay.  We’re there to watch stuff
go boom.  And holy crap does this movie deliver.  The gratuitous violence
starts in the first scene and doesn’t let you off the hook for more than
maybe ten minutes at a time.  The action is choreographed well and is shot
beautifully.  NO SHAKY CAM!  Take that Paul Greengrass.

That being said, there were a couple of times where the special effects on
the violence was poorly done.  Like, the bloody spray was so CGI and
looked so fake that I was waiting for a Mortal Kombat shout of “FATALITY”.

What it really comes down to is that it was just a lot of fun to watch
some of the greatest names in action do what they do best.  The characters
are balanced well and the movie is just fun.

And seeing Terry Crews with a full-auto shotgun was epic.

If they do The Expendables 2 the only thing that could make it more
awesome than the first would be the inclusion of Chuck Norris.

Dolph Lundgren: incredibly hot older gent.
Image by splashing via Flickr

On a scale of 1 to 100, I give the Expendables a solid 85.  If you are a
dude, watch this movie.  If you have a lady-friend, only take her along if
you’re willing to sit through some romantic comedy with her.

For Attebiz Movie Reviews, I’m the J-Man.

One thought on “The Expendables

  1. What we get is pure, unadulterated B-movie stuff, with an A-budget. And although it should have been so much better, I still had a great time, watching things, and people explode, like it’s the 80s all over again. Check out my review when you can, nice review!!

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